Men: The Friendships We Need, But Don’t Have

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.”  John 15:12-15 (ESV)

This week’s blog is geared more towards men than women, but there is no doubt that we can all gain insight from the words of Jesus above.  In John 15, Jesus “defines the relationship” with his disciples and explains that they are no longer servants, but friends.  Friends of God!  Mankind, which was broken and separated from God because of sin, was brought near because of the great love of God through Christ to the point of friendship.  Have you thought about that recently?  If you have put your trust in Christ, you are a friend of God! 

Friendship, however, does not just stop with our relationship with God.  It should also then overflow into relationships here on earth.  However, this is not always the case.  From our experience, friendship is often something that gets squeezed out of our hustle and bustle lives, and this happens to men more often than women.  Men who have gone through the Unstatus Your Quo® Growth Plan frequently see friends as an area of their lives where they need much growth.  In the past, they avoided deepening friendships by excusing themselves with reasons such as not having enough time, friendship not being a priority, using their wife for all their friendship duties, and not wanting to be vulnerable lead the pack in regards to excuses. 

Men, do you have friends?  Not people you know; not people you are connected with on Facebook, but actual friends?  Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”  Who are your real friends?  Who are the men that you are encouraged by and whom you encourage?  Who are the men that you are challenged by and whom you challenge?  Who are the men that you confess your sin to?  Who are the men that model to you what it means to be a Christian?  Who are your friends? 

If you are one of the many men in need of new friendships, here are six simple steps to start developing these relationships in your life.

Step #1: See the Need

The first thing we must do is see that we were created for friendship and that it must be a priority in our lives.  We have been brought into relationship and friendship with God to overflow in relationship and friendship with other followers of Christ.  We will never uncover fulfillment in our lives until we invest in Christian friendship because it is in these relationships that God grows us and shows us more of Himself.

Step #2: Pray for a Friend

If you lack true Christian friends, have you tried praying for God to break in and bless you with a friend?  Many of us are a part of churches with men right under our noses who we could have deeper relationships with.  Pray that God would open a door.  Pray that God would bring the right person to mind.  Pray for courage. 

Step #3: Initiate the Relationship

You might not want to hear this, but it is up to you.  Doesn’t matter if you are an introvert or extrovert or a mixture of the two.  You are the one who needs to initiate!  Take the small step.  Go to breakfast.  Go to lunch.  Make some time to initiate the relationship because, if you don’t, no one will.  I have tended to complain about having to initiate relationships in the past, but in a sense, it is meant to be that way.  If Jesus initiated friendship with us, shouldn’t we be willing to do the same with others?

Step #4: Encourage and Challenge

Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”  Not only are you called to initiate the relationship, but you are also the one that needs to lead in encouragement and in challenging others in love.  You need people and people need you.  When is the last time you had wind in your sails because someone encouraged you?  When is the last time you got over a hump in your life because someone challenged you?  Again, you need this and so do others.

Step #5: Lead in Vulnerability

Let’s be real men, this is hard.  Most of us have grown up being told that we are to be strong and put together and not emotional.  We are not to show weakness, and we are supposed to be confident always.  The reality is that we are not these things, and that is why we need Christ.  Each of us is broken, and Christ is the only carpenter who can put us together.  God has chosen to use relationships with others to heal us.  In James 5:16 he says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”  Confess your sin and lead in vulnerability.  Again, you need this and so do others.

Step #6: Continue to Pursue and Pray

I will be the first to tell you that friendship is not easy.  I have six young kids, a busy life and plenty of distractions, but I am convinced that pursuing friendship must be a priority in my life and in yours as well.  You may run into roadblocks.  You may not find people that want to be friends back.  You probably will get discouraged along the way, but don’t give up!  You need friendship and so do the people around you.  Press into God.  Pursue friendship!

Noah

Christian friendship is just one of the areas of life that is tackled in the Unstatus Your Quo® Growth Plan.  Start Session #1 for FREE by clicking HERE.